Can't think straight

I tried my best to pick up the broken pieces in my life right now. I have a few days left in China and I don't know what's in store for me on the next months or even years to come.
I am suspended in the air. I am drowning and I allowed myself to wallow and drown.
I can't even think straight.

I'm always not in the mood to write. I did some walking hoping it would clear my thoughts. Everytime I am back in my apartment, I drowning again. My apartment is one place that I don't want to be in right now.
I am trying to uplift myself by planning a trip abroad before going home, but nothing seems to be working for me.

I am sorry for ranting....I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts while writing. I can't think straight