I finally arrived in Varanasi, India's most holy place. Indians believed that the Ganga River along the gaths of Varanasi is a holy place. They bathe here to cleanse themselves. Many Indians come to this place to die. They believe that if they die in this place they escape "re-incarnation" .
I was shaken when I first arrived in this place. It was March 11, a "holi" day, it is a big celebration for Indians, they drank in the streets and spray paint all over themselves and to everyone else.
Roads were closed, and we had no option but to walk in the streets where Indians throw paints at us. It was a little traumatic walking with a girl companion. She was being harassed and touched all over by some drunk Indians.
Among the places in India that I have been to, Varanasi is the closest to the word "slums".
I stayed in the area near the gaths with very narrow, and dirty paths. People, cows,goats,dogs feces and garbage ruled the path. It is really the slums.
During my first few days, it was such a shock, seeing people carrying a dead body, to be burn in the "burning gaths".
Burning gath is a place at the foot of the river where they pile up stocks of wood and burn the dead person's body in the public and then throw their ashes in the river. This for them is the way to die and escape re incarnation.
I am not an emotional person, but on my first day and first time to see a dead person burnt down and seeing his flesh slowly melt and eaten up by the fire, I can't help but feel so emotionally drained at how they treat dead people. It was really painful looking at a person's body slowly melts until the bones are exposed until they turn into ashes. I can't help but think that these "creatures" they burned are once human beings like us who felt pain,joy, and they are once alive with emotions.
I shared this feeling to some travellers I met along the way. And through this experience I gained a whole new perspective about death. Here are some of their views:
Spanish couple (who lost their daugther) : That is just a body, we will all die and it cannot feel anything.
An interesting conversation with:
Carl(an english man traveling for 8 years): That is their way of life. That is how they see and do things.
Me: I just feel so negative looking at how they treat their dead relatives. In our culture we pay last respects to our dead and even make sure that they are laid to rest very well, with all the funeral arrangements and ceremonies.
Carl: That is our culture. We are just "beautifying death" with all the funeral and stuffs. But the end of it all, it is all the same. It just our body. It is just a "thing"
Aside from death and dead people being a common sight in Varanasi, The place for me is so intense. This is the first place that I have been to that I get so drained, so emotional, so irritable, that I easily feel so suffocated and I just want to shout "NO!!!!!!" to indian people trying to grab my attention and sell me some of his goods.
I get drained because the streets are so narrow, it is so crowded, and it is just full of animal dirt lying around, and poverty at it's worst is clearly showned in this area.
I remembered yesterday afternoon, my 3rd day in Varanasi, I just chilled in the rooftop of my guesthouse's restaurant overlooking all the narrow houses and the river. I was just lying around the wooden bed in the resto trying to think clearly. But I really cannot think straight, I just want to get out of the city before I get so negative. It was such a heavy feeling. I was drowning again with heavy heart.
I decided to buy a train ticket and cancelled my planned trip to Nepal to go to Delhi and see things from there.
Fast forward today March 14 2007
I met the spanish couple again while I was going for a late lunch.
We had a a very good conversation, about our feeling towards Varanasi. I told them the negativity and "blackness" i see in this city. They shared that they also get very drained while walking in the streets. They said that everyday it is different, sometimes you get a good feeling of the city some days it is just so negative, but that is the beauty of this city. It is very intense and emotional. The man who is a psychologist in spain even shared that some europeans who travelled in Varanasi from Europe tend to develop a minor "schizo" disorder because of the shock and the city's feeling.
At the end of it all they shared we just have learn to accept the city and its way of life. Its holiness, its poverty, its slums and that death is related to this city. Then we learn to appreciate and see things differently.
They also shared some things about positivity. I have high regards of the couple. Despite the tragedy they experienced of lossing their daugther. When they speak even with their poor english, I see a very vibrant color radiating from them. And after our 3 hour lunch, I completely appreciated Varanasi.
Too bad I have booked a ticket for New Delhi tonight at 12. I have a few hours left in Varanasi. After writing this post I am going to sit on the burning gaths again and see dead people being burn until their skins melt and bones exposed.
And this time I will see things differently. I will thank God for the time being. for the short time I am alive, for my family, for the people who I met and learned a lot. And I will thank God for giving me this chance to see death at another angle.
I feel a lot better now... Thank You Varanasi
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