sulking in

Sulking in... That is the state that I am in now.

I just got back from a short trip from the city. I had the same feeling from the dreaded short shanghai trip I took last december 2008. I felt that the I am running around in circles but in different place this time.

Because of my actions, I really felt empty and hollow inside. I felt suspended in the air.

I am full of negative energies now. Extra sensitive people can see my inner color now is black. I am inhaling fresh clean air and everytime I exhale its all polluted dirty air. I need days to think and to get back on track again.

It's a strange feeling wanting to cry, but I cannot find any reason to cry about. I am starting not to feel anything at all. I am just numb. People can hurt me, spit on me, slap me or tickle me, and I just stay still with no emotions or feelings at all. I am becoming a thing not a human being.

I feel that a part of me is slowly taken away until I am left with nothing and could not feel anything at all.

I am sulking in.... I dont know if i wanna sulk in forever until i feel numb..

I am sorry for the negativity.... I am just sulking in