My no looking back song

I have been in hibernating mode for the past weeks.

I kept quiet and chose to disconnect myself. I closed my facebook account, and I overcame the habbit of automatically typing the facebook address everytime I open a webpage.

I decided to shut down myself from people close to me because I fear that if I connect with them, I might spread the negativity I have with me now.

Last January, I booked tickets for a short holiday in Bali which is supposedly for this week.

I was looking forward to this trip for me to re energize and unwind.

The past few months has been very difficult for me. Each day I battle of the thought of living abroad again against staying in the comforts of home with the security of being with family.

For some, it might sound crazy risking myself living on the edge with uncertainties abroad while I do have a secured place called home. But digging deeper, I realized its not about having a secured future and making sure that I am living comfortably when my senior years arrive. It's about making the most of my my fading youth , and living life doing the things that makes one happy. Bottom line, I would want that during my golden years, I would have bunch of stories to tell; and I would want to end it saying, "it was tough, it was never easy, but it was fun and not a single moment I regret".

Right now the battle and struggles continues day after day. I get upset thinking about it. But I remembered the time when I took a risk of quiting my office job for an unknown adventure in china. While preparing for my trip to china, I felt a lot of uncertainties and anxieties. But despite that, I promised myself that the moment I step out the plane and arrive in Shanghai I would listen to this song to welcome myself to my new adventure. And it actually felt good walking to the chinese immigration while listening to my song.

For now, plans are still uncertain. But I already have a song in mind that I would be listening when I set foot again for my planned adventure. But its different this time. I have learned my lessons from home thus I wanna call this "my no looking back" song .