sulking in

Sulking in... That is the state that I am in now.

I just got back from a short trip from the city. I had the same feeling from the dreaded short shanghai trip I took last december 2008. I felt that the I am running around in circles but in different place this time.

Because of my actions, I really felt empty and hollow inside. I felt suspended in the air.

I am full of negative energies now. Extra sensitive people can see my inner color now is black. I am inhaling fresh clean air and everytime I exhale its all polluted dirty air. I need days to think and to get back on track again.

It's a strange feeling wanting to cry, but I cannot find any reason to cry about. I am starting not to feel anything at all. I am just numb. People can hurt me, spit on me, slap me or tickle me, and I just stay still with no emotions or feelings at all. I am becoming a thing not a human being.

I feel that a part of me is slowly taken away until I am left with nothing and could not feel anything at all.

I am sulking in.... I dont know if i wanna sulk in forever until i feel numb..

I am sorry for the negativity.... I am just sulking in

My 10

OK I am bored and I am day dreaming. As a person with passion for traveling, I suddenly thought of listing my 10 countries that I want to set off into. I thought it would be an easy and stress-free listing. But, with all the beautiful places in the world, I had a hard time tallying MY 10 top picks destination.

As much as I can, I am arranging this from my favorite down.

I want to live and experience staying with a Maasai tribes of KENYA. Also take a picture of the famous Kilimanjaro.

I want to explore the ancient structures of PRAGUE. Besides its cheap and its in europe.

Bask in the sun while sitting at one of the white houses overlooking the ocean at GREECE .

Go crazy and street dance with the carnival at BRAZIL.

Feel the pain of the latest genocide victims of RWANDA.

Take a 30 days walk in the road to santiago in SPAIN.

Offer prayers for all who died in auschwitz concentration camp in POLAND.

Smoke pot at a local cafe, and explore the redlight district of amsterdam in the NETHERLANDS.

Share a vodka during a cold winter with locals of RUSSIA.

Learn spanish in MEXICO and get drunk on cheap mojitos.

These are MY 10 places to go. If I could go back to a place that I have been to already, It would have to be MCLEOD GANJ in DHARAMSALA.

Why the hassle?

It's been a long time since I poured my thoughts in this blog. I have been looking for inspiration to drive me to think again and draft my thoughts.

Today I realized one thing that somehow made me think.... Hmmmn... why not put my thoughts into writing.

Nov 1 2009. Philippines will always be on holiday on this day for All Saints Day. This is a day where we all go to the cemetery to visit our dead relatives.

My day started early I was tasked to fetch my grandfather's sister in the airport. She arrives this day to visit her dead parents and dead brother (my grandpa) and her dead sister (i was not born when she died of cancer). Since the airport is an hour drive from our home, I had to wake up extra early to be able to get there on time.

Luckily, I was just on time when I got to the airport. After fetching her, she told me she wants to go to the cemetery but we have to stop by a local store to buy candles to offer to the dead people.

When we arrived at the store, it was packed with people buying all sorts of candles, from the tiny white simple ones up to those candles with dragon designs, which I bet would last for a few days because of its overly enormous size. At the back of my head, I was thinking " hmmmm not bad for a dead business". It took us almost 20 minutes because of the long line of customers buying candles.

From the candle store, we went to fetch the care taker of my dead relative's tomb. We have to fetch him since the keys to the mini house is with him and since a lot has changed in the cemetery we might get lost finding our relative's area.

It was a hot day, and when we were near the entrance of the cemetery, the whole road was closed because they are expecting heavy traffic of vehicles. We have no choice but to park our car on a nearby lot and we had to walk going inside.

By the way part of the chinese culture that we have is apart from lighting candles, we also offer food, drinks, flowers and burn incense for our dead family.

So walking to the cemetery we carried, flowers, candles, foods, drinks. ( I know this is going to look like someone is gonna have a picnic).

After finding our way to the narrow paths covered with mud, grass, tombs sometimes open tombs, we found our spot.

When we got there, our care taker realized he forgot to bring the keys! He has to go back to his house and get the keys and we had to wait for him under the heat of the sun with our "picnic baskets".

After 10 minutes he managed to return and we eventually were able to get in. We lighted candles, offered the food and drinks we brought.

I saw my grandfather's sister looked at the tomb of her parents and prayed.

(my great grand mom's resting place)

As she was facing the empty white wall and praying. I am almost tempted to take a photo of her. She looked like she was talking to the flower and the empty wall.

I cannot help but think.. Was this all worth it? Does it matter at all to the dead relatives? All these hassles of having to book a flight to visit them and light candles for them. Does it really impact them on their world?

I may sound so skeptical, but learning the cultures of other countries when dealing with death just made me realized and asked this question. Why the hassle of doing all these?

I witness a death ceremony in India. It was morbid on how they publicly burn their dead bodies.

Tibet culture, chops the dead bodies of their relatives and feed them to the vultures. They believe that these birds help bring their dead relatives to heaven. Another point is that, dead bodies are useless already, it would be better to make use of it by feeding the animals.

I am not against our local culture, on how we pay so much value and respect to our dead relatives.

(picture of surrounding tombs)

All these things made me believed further that our life is just a journey, we come here on Earth and we go to our next destination. Everything is temporary and nothing will last forever. We will all die and rot.

Honestly, when it will be my time to die. I would be happy to donate whatever functioning organs I have to people who may need it. Whatever is left of me shall be cremated. I want my ashes to thrown in the beach. And I may sound so tough, but I prefer that my relatives will just let go of me completely and to move on happily with their lives. That way they wont be hassled to bring their picnic baskets and have the obligation to visit my dead decaying body and offer flowers and candles in my tomb.

One funny irony I realized that made me laugh inside myself. Today I saw how much our culture hold on to our dead relatives. We do all these rituals to show so much respect and value to our beloved dead. We offer them food and flowers, as if they can eat it. That is how much respect is shown in our culture.

The irony is....

While we were looking for my great grandparents tomb, the cemetery was poorly planned that pathways we're either blocked, covered with mud and cemented tombs are just everywhere.

Since there was no proper pathways, my grandfather's sister with my aunt who was walking ahead of me. I cannot help myself and took a photo of them walking and stepping into other dead people's cemented tombs just to be able to walk easily and avoid the muddy paths.

Now I asked myself.... Where is respect there?

( we rather step on the cemented tomb than get our feets messy with mud)

With that, listen to this link which agrees with my feelings towards this realization:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxGd0g-wpXA

Beautiful

An old song that I came across today

The lyrics of the song says it all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie-0hEReVfU&NR=1

Today I got an email that almost let me fall from my chair in the office.

Hello,

Yeah your email reached me, it's so annoying that China has blocked Facebook. I have a little suprise for you, I'm coming to the Phillipines on Monday!!!!! We have a week off and I wanted to go to Tibet but no can do so decided to come see you. I knwo you'll be working but tell me what island I need to go to or neigbouring islands and I will come see you!!!

I miss you :)

An email from Naomi, a classmate in China. She is gonna visit me and now I am pressured where to bring her.

Juanita

This post is dedicated to a very special friend. I would like to call her Juanita( almost not her real name for confidentiality)

I met Juanita when I was a freshmen in the Uni. We never really became close until the Senior Year of Uni.

Juanita is a very simple girl. She loves to laugh and she takes joys in simple things in life. In contrast to my fast and semi perfectionist character, Juanita is the happy go lucky type of girl.

In Uni, It was hard for me to make friends with other people, while Juanita seem to gracefully glides around like a social butterfly that can get along with almost every group of friends in our course department..

She is just everywhere…. Literally!

 When we graduated from University, We both worked in different companies but in the same city.  To update each other’s life, we make it a point to make Wednesday nights our night. After my work, I would drive to her office and would send her a text message : “ Misscall means”  , which we both understand that a Miscall means I am outside and be quick, I don’t want to wait for a long time.

Wednesday nights would be spent either going to the mall to eat or watch a movie or simply give in to a restaurant that we are craving since the beginning of the week and go to a coffee shop for a good conversation.

Because of Juanita, I was able to meet a good Korean friend, booker which I visited at the start of the year 2009 in Korea.

Juanita is a listening ear. She would get excited listening to stories of cute girls at my work place.

Juanita was the person I called when I got really pissed with my younger sister going home very drunk after her birthday party. I was fuming mad at that time, but Juanita just listened and laughed at my reaction for being such a serious brother. Even at her seemingly senseless reaction  over my rage. I had to admit just merely talking to her and letting my heart out, eased my anger a lot.

There was a time when I was forced to go back to my hometown and had to leave Cebu, I was really devastated thinking that I would be leaving such a beautiful city. I was in the boat to my hometown with all my things stuffed in my car.

As the boat docked away from the port and seeing the city’s evening lights slowly start to fade away as the boat sailed farther, I felt that it was the end of my world. I called Juanita and was crying on the phone while speaking with her. At the back of my head I was thinking: I’m doomed….. Party is over for me. She was there to listen and assure me that everything is going to be alright.

These are just few of instances that  Juanita became a lifeline to  me and I am forever thankful to her for that.

 

Looking back at all those years, I realized how fortunate I am to have met Juanita. Despite the differences of our characters.

Me being the bossy type and the go getter type that takes life very seriously. And Juanita being the social butterfly that takes life at her own pace in her colorful world. We managed to meet in the middle and, get into our own worlds.

Juanita, as you embark a new chapter in your life, I will definitely miss the us. The times when you are just a phone call away and 15 minutes later you receive a text from me with a message : “Misscall means” and everything seems to be ok after being able to have a coffee with you or simply eating with you at some cheap places to eat.

Thank You Tita Please for being the:

Listening ear

Calmer of my fast soul

Mediator of my wandering mind

Tita please who knows me inside out.

 

To end this post I would like to think of the future.

Year 2040. And old woman receives a message from an old fat bald tattooed man which contains words that only the 2 of them understands. The message has the following words and phrases in it.

The Zoo

Tiger, Zebra, The Animals, The Zoo keeper

“Pritchie” Daanton

Miscall means, Tita Pru, Chingkychings, the royal family, Molavehing

Tito please….. dating?

Hmmpphhh…. Grrgghhh

 

Juanita, This post is for you. Don’t worry nobody reads my blog.

Here’s for your new life and adventure….

Cheers 9503060x!

 

Tito Please

 

March 23 2009 a memorable day

March 23 2009. This day would be remembered for the rest of life.

Today is my last day in India. I came to India without expecting anything, all I know is that I need to travel because I cannot think well in China and I need to be in another place to help me gain back myself.
Because I was not expecting anything, it turned out to be a very good travel month. I met a lot of new people from all over the world. I learned some very good insights from the places that I have been to, and most of all I can say that India helped me to forget some things I wanted to forget. ( Hopefully.....)

While I was in Varanasi, I met a Spanish couple who shared to me some techniques to be able to think clearly. They shared the Chinese character "zhong" , meaning center or middle. They told me whenever I feel bad and confuse, just take a deep breath and focus on the word "zhong" and think that I am in the middle of the whole universe. Suddenly, everything would slow down and stop and it will help me clear my mind. I just think from my "zhong" with slow deep breaths and hopefully it will clear my thoughts.

Learning that really inspired me and made me recall a conversation I had with Ken, a very good chinese friend. I told him that I have met many people from different countries, but sometimes I find it really hard to be able to have a very good and deep relationship with chinese people.
He then shared that China in pin yin is written as "Zhong Guo", which literally means middle country. He then continued that some Chinese people learned some virtues from Confucius.
It is about being in the middle. He explained further by citing a relationship as an example. For relationships it is not good to be too intense or to be too cold with somebody. Once a person opened up his or her whole being to someone it destroys the value of the relationship. It is always good to be in between, just in the middle. With this I remembered a book I read titled the Art of War. It states that never lay down all your cards on the table. Once a person knows the real you it would be very easy for that person to destroy you because he/she knows your weaknesses.

Back to my last day in India.
Having learned the value of being in the middle, I decided to go crazy and do a thing that would remind me of China "zhong guo" at the same time will remind me of this whole India trip.
March 23 2009. New Delhi India Connought Place. I had the word Zhong Tattooed on my back.

I know this is a very fast decision for a Tattoo that will last a lifetime.
Right now I am young and the tattoo looks good on my back (though still a little sore). In 50 years time I will be wrinkled and old and I know the tattoo would be ugly and not a good sight to see in my back. But it will never defeat the purpose of reminding me of "Zhong", reminding me of my trip to India and most of all, my tattoo will always remind me that once I was Young, Adventurous and I was not wrinkled.

Woser and Hale

Today is my last day in my volunteering job here in Mcleod Ganj.
I took time to invite a monk for a chat after my job. His name is Woser. I have learned a lot of things from him.
After our chat and exchanges of email addresses, It suddenly rain. It was the first time that it rained since I got here in India for close to a month now.
When we went down to part ways, It was amazing to see that it was actually raining small bits of ice... It's actually Hale.

It is my first time to experience Hale. It is just a nice warm feeling having finished a good chat with a cold hale.

Something to add to my first things.

Mcleod Ganj at last...... I can breathe

Yesterday morning after a 14 hours of really bumpy bus ride from New Delhi I arrived here in Mcleod Ganj. After being used to the "slums" crowded and really polluted places in India, I was surprise to see a quiet, cold and calm place. Mcleod Ganj.
It is really nice to feel comfortably cold again.
Mcleod Ganj is in the northern part of India. It shares part of the Himalayas. It is so pleasing to see part of the snowy mountain while walking in their uphill streets.

I am not planning anything on this India trip. I just feel the place that I visit and decide on how long do I stay in that place. In most places I only stay a night or 2, except for Varanasi which I spent 4 nights just to get to know the place more.
Arriving here at Mcleod Ganj, honestly I want to stay here really long, infact calling Air India and extending my flight has constantly been bugging me.
Aside from the laid back atmosphere here, I have kept myself busy by volunteering in teaching english to some refugees. It is inspiring to teach english to people who really wanted to learn and at the same time listening to their experiences.


Last night, I was thinking of listing down my favorite cities in the world, for sure mcleod ganj wont be on the top list but for sure it will be there.
While I am typing this post, I am really looking forward to 4PM when I will start my volunteer job again....

Thank You Varanasi

I have been traveling really fast around North India. I have been alternating sleeping in some guesthouses, trains, buses, and guesthouses again.
I finally arrived in Varanasi, India's most holy place. Indians believed that the Ganga River along the gaths of Varanasi is a holy place. They bathe here to cleanse themselves. Many Indians come to this place to die. They believe that if they die in this place they escape "re-incarnation" .
I was shaken when I first arrived in this place. It was March 11, a "holi" day, it is a big celebration for Indians, they drank in the streets and spray paint all over themselves and to everyone else.
Roads were closed, and we had no option but to walk in the streets where Indians throw paints at us. It was a little traumatic walking with a girl companion. She was being harassed and touched all over by some drunk Indians.
Among the places in India that I have been to, Varanasi is the closest to the word "slums".
I stayed in the area near the gaths with very narrow, and dirty paths. People, cows,goats,dogs feces and garbage ruled the path. It is really the slums.
During my first few days, it was such a shock, seeing people carrying a dead body, to be burn in the "burning gaths".
Burning gath is a place at the foot of the river where they pile up stocks of wood and burn the dead person's body in the public and then throw their ashes in the river. This for them is the way to die and escape re incarnation.
I am not an emotional person, but on my first day and first time to see a dead person burnt down and seeing his flesh slowly melt and eaten up by the fire, I can't help but feel so emotionally drained at how they treat dead people. It was really painful looking at a person's body slowly melts until the bones are exposed until they turn into ashes. I can't help but think that these "creatures" they burned are once human beings like us who felt pain,joy, and they are once alive with emotions.
I shared this feeling to some travellers I met along the way. And through this experience I gained a whole new perspective about death. Here are some of their views:
Spanish couple (who lost their daugther) : That is just a body, we will all die and it cannot feel anything.
An interesting conversation with:
Carl(an english man traveling for 8 years): That is their way of life. That is how they see and do things.
Me: I just feel so negative looking at how they treat their dead relatives. In our culture we pay last respects to our dead and even make sure that they are laid to rest very well, with all the funeral arrangements and ceremonies.
Carl: That is our culture. We are just "beautifying death" with all the funeral and stuffs. But the end of it all, it is all the same. It just our body. It is just a "thing"


Aside from death and dead people being a common sight in Varanasi, The place for me is so intense. This is the first place that I have been to that I get so drained, so emotional, so irritable, that I easily feel so suffocated and I just want to shout "NO!!!!!!" to indian people trying to grab my attention and sell me some of his goods.
I get drained because the streets are so narrow, it is so crowded, and it is just full of animal dirt lying around, and poverty at it's worst is clearly showned in this area.

I remembered yesterday afternoon, my 3rd day in Varanasi, I just chilled in the rooftop of my guesthouse's restaurant overlooking all the narrow houses and the river. I was just lying around the wooden bed in the resto trying to think clearly. But I really cannot think straight, I just want to get out of the city before I get so negative. It was such a heavy feeling. I was drowning again with heavy heart.
I decided to buy a train ticket and cancelled my planned trip to Nepal to go to Delhi and see things from there.
Fast forward today March 14 2007
I met the spanish couple again while I was going for a late lunch.
We had a a very good conversation, about our feeling towards Varanasi. I told them the negativity and "blackness" i see in this city. They shared that they also get very drained while walking in the streets. They said that everyday it is different, sometimes you get a good feeling of the city some days it is just so negative, but that is the beauty of this city. It is very intense and emotional. The man who is a psychologist in spain even shared that some europeans who travelled in Varanasi from Europe tend to develop a minor "schizo" disorder because of the shock and the city's feeling.
At the end of it all they shared we just have learn to accept the city and its way of life. Its holiness, its poverty, its slums and that death is related to this city. Then we learn to appreciate and see things differently.
They also shared some things about positivity. I have high regards of the couple. Despite the tragedy they experienced of lossing their daugther. When they speak even with their poor english, I see a very vibrant color radiating from them. And after our 3 hour lunch, I completely appreciated Varanasi.
Too bad I have booked a ticket for New Delhi tonight at 12. I have a few hours left in Varanasi. After writing this post I am going to sit on the burning gaths again and see dead people being burn until their skins melt and bones exposed.

And this time I will see things differently. I will thank God for the time being. for the short time I am alive, for my family, for the people who I met and learned a lot. And I will thank God for giving me this chance to see death at another angle.
I feel a lot better now... Thank You Varanasi

Much needed travel.... Follow up

Ey, i just got a message from my Mom. She was asking where I was and told me why I haven't been on the internet lately.
I actually did not tell them that somebody broke into my apartment because I would know that they would be freaking out and would insist I better go home at once. I just made up and said that my computer was destroyed because it got wet while I was walking in the rain.

So I decided to call her and update her. ( See it is so difficult without the computer)

Me: Hello Mom
Mom: Oh hello! where are you now? How come you were not online for a long time ( surprised!)
Me: I am in China.
Mom: So you are back from India?
Me: No, I am leaving this thursday.
Mom: I thought you left already you have bot been online for a long time, we thought you were
already in India.
Me: Nope. I am still here. I told you my computer is destroyed and I cant afford to buy a new
one now since I will use my savings for my trip.
Mom:Oh okay, just let us know where you are so we will know where to find you.
Me: Ok Mom. How's dad?
Mom: He is fine, He is here now. So when are you coming back here?
Me: I don't have the exact date yet, but from India I will go back to China then head home.
Mom: Oh ok. Just be careful and take care.
Me: Alright. Don't worry. I will. ( I gave her my flight details and the time difference from India
and home)
Mom: How many days will you stay in India?
Me: Uhhm, I still don't know, it depends. (I was caught off guard because it would be ridiculous to tell her I am travelling to India for a month. Yes, it is very unlikely from people in my family to travel for a long time).
Mom: Ok just don't forget to call us from time to time.

Yes my friends, I am a good liar. I don't know how my family would react when they would know that I will be travelling for a long time.

Goodluck!

Much needed travel

I have decided to put an end to being gloomy and on the down side. Lately my days here in China has been nothing but depressing. I go out of my apartment in the morning and go back to my apartment in the evening. Honestly, I am starting to feel very lonely living alone. I have not bought a new computer because of budget constraints. Now I have realized how dependent I am with the internet. I read blogs, news and listen to music and communicate with friends and family back home through the internet. I don't blame myself for being hooked on the internet, it is my source of information and keep me company in a foreign land.

Tonight is my last night in my apartment. This is also another issue, after somebody broke into my apartment and stole my computer, I certainly don't feel safe anymore. I have a current issue with my landlady who is making it very hard for me to get my money back( I have paid for the whole term of my stay here and a month's deposit). It's just so hard for her to return back my money, and always insisting that her apartment is safe and she won't give me back my money since i broke our contract.
She is making it more difficult for me.

Tomorrow I will go to shanghai and get my Indian Visa and I will leave for Mumbai the next day. I booked for Shanghai-Mumbai Feb. 26 and return to china via Delhi to Shanghai on Mar. 24. The whole trip would cover almost a month. I haven't planned anything yet nor have I booked any place to stay. I just read some facts about India and how to get around the whole country by land.

I will try my best to forget about China while I will be there. I have also looked into volunteering to some orphanages in India just to keep me back to on track.

While I was walking today to China post to send some of my things back home. I just realized I need to breath another air. I need to be out of China for a while to appreciate all the things and all the people here. I just need to be in a new environment and a new place that speaks another language and practice a different culture.


I really hope that this much needed travel would bring me back to my old self and appreciate the things that I have rather than linger over spilled milk ( this is from a chinese friend Huangran)

Finishing this entry, I am trying to smile and tell myself: INDIA here I come =)

staring into space song

I am leaving China soon. I will be going to India next week. I am normally excited to travel. But something just doesn't feel right, I am not so excited to travel this time. I feel like I am travelling just because I need to prove something to nobody.
I am hoping for my blues to go away soon, It's been with me for so long already.
I wanna share with you a song that I would love to listen and would just make me stare into space and hoping to clear my mind.

Please click on the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWr_LAiOhAA&feature=related

enjoy it my friends...Join with me in staring into space and clear our minds

rainmaker

Can't think straight

I tried my best to pick up the broken pieces in my life right now. I have a few days left in China and I don't know what's in store for me on the next months or even years to come.
I am suspended in the air. I am drowning and I allowed myself to wallow and drown.
I can't even think straight.

I'm always not in the mood to write. I did some walking hoping it would clear my thoughts. Everytime I am back in my apartment, I drowning again. My apartment is one place that I don't want to be in right now.
I am trying to uplift myself by planning a trip abroad before going home, but nothing seems to be working for me.

I am sorry for ranting....I am having a hard time collecting my thoughts while writing. I can't think straight

Im picking up pieces now

I am picking up pieces now....
Pieces that I left behind, going back to pace where I started. Doing the things I used to do. catching up on my reading, listening to my music, sleeping on my side of the bed, eating the food I am used to eat, sleeping at my convenient time, waking up when I want to, watching my movies, writing my thoughts, catching up on all the things I need to do before I left it hanging.

I am picking up pieces now. It's been few hours since I started picking up my pieces.
A few more hours or maybe days and I will be back on track, but now....I am still picking up pieces. I am picking up pieces slowly to be able to move forward soon.


Song while I am picking up my pieces:
Warning Sign--Cold play

It hurts... But I know what won't kill me will only make me stronger.

We all need SAVING

Today is my 6th day in Xi'an.
I have met some people walking in the dark side of life. Listening to their stories, I really felt so sad. Why do some people have to work jobs that they don't want to work? People are very desperate to earn money. With my limited chinese, I wish I can express that there is always hope despite how hard life is.
I have been feeling so down since yesterday. I got an email that one of my workmate back home was diagnose with Cancer. She is very young and her kids are very young. She is a very soft spoken person. She is always positive and very cheerfull.
As much as I don't want to question the nature of things. I really can't help but ask.... Why is life unfair? Why do bad things happen to good people? It is just so sad =(

Today, I was still feeling a bit melancholy, I decided to go to for a walk at the Muslim Quarters. It was crowded with people buying stuffs for the coming Chinese New Year. Observing the crowd, I just can't help but see the negative side of life. I told myself that for today I am not going to take pictures of places but I will spend time taking pictures of people's faces.

I wish I know how to resize the pictures I took so I can post it here, but the computer in my hostel is in Chinese and I can't figure out a way to make the files smaller. I decided to just post one photo.

Let me share with you a song that hopefully will inspire us when things in our life are on the negative side.

We all need Saving

ooh, ooh come on come on ooh ooh, come on come on
you have got to move on
this is not the you i know
this isn't realit's just all you can feel
and that's the way that feelings go
and whether or not it's right or wrong
you'll do what you will do
but when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
its just a storm you're braving
well don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone
cause we all need saving
sometimes
say what you will
but the time that we fill
while we are on the Earth
should not be alone
we were meant to be known
you make me what i'm worth
but i can't keep you from yourself
you'll do what you will do
when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
it's just a storm you're braving
well don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
cause we all need saving
and i don't know
why it has to be this way
and i don't know
the cure
but please believe someone else has felt this before
when the cloud in the sky starts to pour in your life
it's just a storm you're braving
well don't tell yourself
you can't lean on someone else
cause we all need saving
we all need saving
sometimes
sometimes

The Call

Xi'an

Everything seems to be ok in this backpacking trip. On my 3rd day here in Xi'an I got a message from my brother to go online in the evening. He told me that my Dad wants to talk with me about something.

Getting this message, I am a bit concern because it's very unlikely for my Dad to strike up a talk with me. Having lived away from my parents since I was young, Me and my Dad seldom talk specially If I am away. Though our relationship is perfectly fine, we are not the type who really take the time to talk on the phone. It's always my Mom who checks on me from time to time.

And getting that message, I know it is something serious.

Since I just brought my backpack, I decided to leave my computer in my apartment in Suzhou. It would be impossible for me to go online this day.

I decided to call my Mom and asked her what is the thing that my Dad wants to talk about. My Mom told me that my Dad wants me home already and help them in our business.

My thoughts:

I think in my own way, I have done everything that I want to do with my life( I know it sounds so serious). But yes, I think I already did!

Firstly, I want to try to work in a reputable company back home, which I did (having worked for Citi for more than 3 years is enough for me). Secondly, I have always wanted to live on my own, having my own apartment while I was working in a bank satisfied that want. Third, I want to work and live abroad. Staying here in China by myself for a little over a year is ok for me already. And I must admit that sometimes it gets lonely, not having the comforts of home. And lastly, I want to travel on my own capacity (financial capacity that is!). While working here in China, I was able to travel for as long as 1 month. Though I mostly travel alone, which is a good way to meet people from different places, again sometimes it also gets lonely. But the experience of travelling and discovering places and immersing myself with different cultures is good enough to overcome the loneliness of travelling solo.

More Deep thoughts about going home:

Being away from home and having all the independence has taught me a lot of lessons that I would have never learned if I did not take this chance to live in China and travelled along the way.

A few months ago the thought of leaving China makes me feel sad. Right now that my chinese working visa is expiring next month, and I am currently out of job, and having stayed in China for a year, I still feel sad but deep inside me there is a slight feeling of relief having to be in a place that I can really call home. I know I will be sad when the day comes that I have to leave China, but I think it would not be as sad as the feeling I had a few months back.

This post was written on a scratch paper while I was contemplating my thoughts in Xiangzimen Youth Hostel in Xi'an. I want to put this in record so that when I will be home and re reading my post, fond memories of this backpacking trip would drown me. Photos above is the exact place I wrote this post

The Irony:

Despite feeling a little ready to go home for good, my facebook status as I am writing this is

Xx Xx needs to satisfy his travel urges.....soon

Now in Pudong Airport

I am catching my breath as I am typing this entry. I just got here in Pudong Airport. In 10 minutes my flight to Xi'an will be called for boarding.
I woke up extra early this morning for I know I have to catch the airport bus from Suzhou to Pudong. My Flight is 11:50 AM I know that If I take the bus at 8:00 am I would be in Pudong at 11:00AM.
When I arrive at the bus terminal, it was before 7:00AM. They told me that the next bus to Pudong will be at 9:00 AM which means that If I wait take that bus, I would definetly will miss my flight, since it will take 3 hours from Suzhou to Pudong Airport.

Suddenly I was swarmed by drivers offering to take me to the airport for a hefty price of 650 rmb! If I take the airport bus it would just cost me 80 rmb.

I told the driver its very expensive. He tried to bargain to 500 rmb.
I called my chinese friends if they can offer some help, Luckily Suench, answered his phone obviously still in bed, he told me he will call their company's rent a car service and provider and will take me to the airport at 300rmb.

He just told me to stay in the station and the rent a car service will pick me up there.

To cut the story short, because my flight is now called for boarding. I got here in the airport just in time. The queue to the check in area was extremely long!

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone

Krispy, Free hugs, Ski

I just arrived from the 2 hour bus ride from the Hyundai Sangwoo ski resort.
Here's what happened, I originally planned to go to Yongpyong Ski resort, which is what my hostel recommended and I read in my book that it is very famous, because they shot some scenes of the Korean TV series Winter Sonata in this resort.
I researched in the internet on how to get there. First bus leaves at 5:50 in the morning.
Meeting point will be at Lotte Mart entrance.
To go to Lotte Mart, I need to take a subway to Jamsil Station and get out at exit 4 and take a 10 minute walk to the Lotte Mart. Since the first bus leaves very early, I also checked the time for the subway to open.
First train runs at 5:30 AM, and from my hostel it would take me 20 stops to get to Jamsil station.
When I got to the Lotte Mart, it was around 6 AM. I was happy because there we're people in their ski costumes, obviously waiting for the bus as well. Finally, as stated in the website, ride on the purple ski bus. When I looked at the sign it says"Hyundai Sungwoo Ski". I told the driver I want to go to Yongpyong, he then informed me that the bus has left already and the next trip would be 9AM. Left with no choice and no plans, I hopped in the bus to another ski resort.

Plan was not effected...but never the less, it was a good experience. I did not ski because I am physically not ready, having barely 3 hours of sleep. Importantly, I am financially not capable also, ski rentals are expensive, taking a lift is expensive, hiring an instructor is the most expensive. So what I did, even if I am not in proper ski attire, I bought a ticket to take the lift, and rewarded myself with a hearty breakfast buffet in the bakeshop.

Krispy Kreme.

Manila, Hongkong, Taipei, and Seoul. What do these cities have in common? They have franchise of the mouth watering Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Now the quiestion is... Why not in Mainland China? Yes I have been deprived with krispy kreme since I got to China. After more than a year of deprivation, I stuffed myself with Krispy Kreme yesterday. They must have known that I have been deprived for a year already, because I ordered for 2, they gave me 1 free..... slurp...

Free Hugs.

I saw some korean girls holding the free hug placard. I was just observing them. It must be with the korean culture, the girls were just stared and sometimes avoided when they open their arms, gesturing for a hug. I think it must not be easy offering a free hug on a cold winter, and being avoided and declined. I took a picture of them and they gladly posed with their asian peace sign. After posing for me, I went near them and Hugged them... I felt that they were relieved because somebody accepted their free offer. As we hugged they say " Gamsa Hamnida" means thank you.

1st things first

Tomorrow will mark my 1st year when I came to China. I am officially a year in China tomorrow.
It's nice to be able to experience the four seasons in China. The heavy snow last Winter, the unnoticed spring the scorching hot summer and my favorite autumn. And now it's winter time again. Time flies when you are having fun.

There are a lot of experiences that I did for the first time last year. And it was cool to end the last day of the year travelling. Spending Christmas in China and spent New year in Korea.

1st things first ( for the year2009)
-First time to see and actually walk in a frozen lake... though it's dangerous as I approached the thin ice.
-First time to eat Bulgogi and authentic Korean BBQ
-First time to experience the history of Korea... (being at the N. Korean Border and actually getting inside the tunnel dugged by the N. Korean armies)
-First time to live in a traditional Korean house
-First time to be butt naked in a Public bath... (trying to dare myself)
-First time to get the "free hugs" world sensation ( it's a warm feeling getting a hug from a stranger)

With that I have to go.... I need to sleep early because I am trying to get up at 4am to catch a bus to the Korean Mountains to add
-First time to ski ( Hopefully I'll manage to wake up extra early)

Happy New Year 2009! A toast for a year filled with first time and adventures!
Cheers everyone!